Mark Harmon has written a column wherein he imagines how Tennessee legislators would get along if relocated to other states. Some samples:
State Sen. Mae Beavers and state Rep. Sheila Butt headed to Iowa. They never quite fit in and had trouble pronouncing Des Moines. Iowa’s governor sent them back with a crisp note pinned to each: “Beavers and Butt? C’mon, Tennessee. Iowans know a joke when we hear it.”
Tennessee Rep. Bill Dunn had hoped to join in the Indiana gay bashing, but when that fizzled he transferred to Louisiana. It was a great match. Soon he and his Baton Rouge buddies traveled to New Orleans, where they can pretend that vouchers work. “It’s my dream location,” declared Dunn. “All public education via parochial schools.”
State Sen. Richard Briggs now hangs out in Austin honky-tonks and slowly sips on Lone Star beers. It’s the only way he can cope with being reassigned to the Texas legislature. “I defeated one Stacey Campfield; now I’m surrounded by dozens of them,” he lamented. “Were we really worse than these guys?” Briggs wondered aloud.
The answer can be found in Kentucky, where foul-and-fork-tongued state Sen. Todd Gardenhire is stationed, shackled with a GPS tracking device. It’s a state where the Affordable Care Act is working well. Gardenhire’s cognitive dissonance is so strong that almost daily he denies getting the government-sponsored health plan covering him.
State Rep. Eddie Smith and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, two of the Koch brothers’ favorites, now work together in Wisconsin. Smith is assigned to the “Eat Cheese or Die” campaign, cutting school lunches to cover the state’s growing budget deficit.
…State Rep. Andy Holt, famous for operating a hog farm without state permits but with whopping environmental problems involving the improper disposal of hog waste, naturally was farmed out to Arkansas. He entertained his new colleagues by not responding “Aye” or “Nay,” but “Sooey!” in roll call votes