Suggested State Laws: Banning Microwave Biscuits and Sex with Guns

Frank Cagle has a list of questions that could be asked to legislative candidates, as they campaign this summer, about what should be the law of Tennessee. A sample:
–It should be illegal to microwave a biscuit. What you do in your own home is your business and if you microwave a biscuit that’s between you and the memory of your grandmaw. If you think she would be okay with it, go ahead. But there is no excuse for a restaurant to serve a microwaved biscuit. They should be fresh. They should be crispy on the top and bottom and light on the inside. A soggy biscuit is a betrayal of Southern culture and we have to stop it. The bill should allow for a citizen’s arrest should you observe this activity.
–No place that sells cigarettes should have the right to ban smoking. If a restaurant or a convenience store sells cigarettes, then you should be able to light up. They can’t enable people to annoy others with cigarette smoke and not be annoyed themselves. If you sell chewing tobacco or snuff (excuse me, smokeless tobacco) then provide spittoons. Any place that sells tobacco products should be required to carry nicotine gum. You don’t have to go to the drug store to get cigarettes.
–It should be illegal to have sex with a pistol. This is not an infringement of the Second Amendment. You would still be able to sleep with your Nine Mil, it would just be illegal to have sex with it, regardless of your particular fetish. It’s disgusting.

2 thoughts on “Suggested State Laws: Banning Microwave Biscuits and Sex with Guns

  1. Eric Holcombe

    Isn’t it just as shocking that the lowest number of murders happened in Vermont and Wyoming where there are no permits and perpetual taxes required to enjoy your “rights”?
    Or that Illinois gave “limited” homicide data yet still comes in first in firearm murder% even with all their handgun bans?

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